Thank you for saying that.

"Strange. But even when you know it has to end, when it finally does, you always get that inevitable twinge: Have i done the right thing?"

I haven't cried in a long time. Its so foreign to me. It's refreshing. To let it all out. Drop everything to the floor and let everything in you pour onto your jeans and t-shirt. I don't know if it's that moving away deprivation of family and friends feeling that normal people get when they leave everything behind in search of who knows, but it's finally starting to kick in. That morose feeling. Maybe it's the decisions I've made and the end result that was rather un-expected. Maybe I'm just jumping to conclusions and things will eventually turn up on a good note. They usually do. Decisions, whether good or bad, will always be made may I add. I guess I'm just thinking in the "now" moment. I have no patience. I want all that's good, right this moment. Who can blame me. Were all the same. Moving on then, that was my decision in the first place right? I've got to stick to that plan. Face the consequences of my actions whether they be good or bad. Dismiss any negative thoughts or feelings people may have towards me because of the decisions that I made. Quite frankly, I really don't care what people may be saying about me while sitting in a bar or over late night phone chats. Anyone who negatively criticizes me for my actions who isn't affected in any way, shape, or form can fuck off because never will you be worth my time. Tend to your own problems instead of feeding off someone else's faults. It'll work out in the long run, promise. So how will this turn out? I don't know. I find myself saying that a lot lately. It needs to change and quick. I usually don't like being so indecisive nor being around people who are, but were all hypocrites. Anyone reading this may know little bits and morsels on my situation. The curious. The bored. The sad. How to end this? I hate this part. No kicker. It's only appropriate this will have to end on a very short concluding final text with four years of weight baring down. Happiness. Sadness. cheating. lying. crying. begging. confusion. happiness. sadness. cheating. lying. love. regrets.


-It doesnt matter anymore.

Let's really move on now. It's about that time. It was you and I that brought us to this point. I just made that end result decision. But was it right? Thats the question of the year for me.

...:::.::..::::.::..::::::..::::::::UPDATE09.30.08..::..::..:::::..::
I take it back, It was a right decision.